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~I can’t be a mother today~Will the Titus 2 Women please stand up?

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As if the title of the book did not grab my attention “DESPERATE” the introduction definitely did

“I can’t be a mother today.” 

So many times in my head those words were mixed up trying to form but would not come out of my mouth, maybe out of respect for God, my husband and children and the life that awakens me everyday with the sounds of my name, you know the one……

“MOM can you, MOM I need, MOM I want, MOM he did this to me, MOM I can’t find, MOM I cannot sleep, MOM are you in the bathroom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom!!

The beginning, intro, preface, beginning of hopeless, critical, last resort “DESPERATE!” 

How did I get here to a book club of other moms who probably have these words in their heads but could not say them?

My husband and I were in bed listening to the kids wrestle around trying to do their chores as I hovered over my kindle.  He looked over and asked if I was reading the Bible, which I often do in the mornings.  “Oh nothing,” I said embarrassed to show him the title of the book let alone the introduction.  We have an amazing relationship and communicate so well, both of us are talkers and share feelings easily.  Our love language is quality time and we take that very seriously!

He glanced over and read it out loud way before I was ready to hear it or read it out loud myself “I can’t be a mother today.”  He instantly started laughing but something inside me could not laugh with him.  His man-voice reading it should have made me giggle but it did not.  He is not at all insensitive towards me but at that moment he felt it.  It was followed up with an awkward question “Then if not a mom today, what, what do you want to be today?”  My wise answer was “A lieutenant on a rescue truck, a fireman, or a food critic in Italy.”  The first answer was his job which I know is most difficult and demanding but the second choice brought me far away to Italy.  I know this shocked him as my go-to answer is always “There is no place I would rather be…….”

If I am being truthful there is no place I would rather be!

But I will call an audible here:  Truth be told there are days I feel that I cannot be a mother. I am exhuasted physically and mentally from my boys.  They are not babies anymore why do I feel this way?  They are boys who need direction, guidance from a mom who is joyful most of the time. They are boys who need to obey their parents but do not always.  They are boys who need to do their school work but do not always.  They are boys whose mother is a so-so cook, so-so housekeeper.  They are boys whose mother feels broken at times from the responsibility of raising godly men.

They are boys whose mother desperately searches for Titus 2 women but where are they?  I get glimpses of them once in a while throughout the year in grocery stores, church, and restaurants and even Bible studies giving advice like “it goes by quickly, this too shall pass, keep going before you know it they will be grown, boys will be boys honey.” But I do need the Titus woman in my life to urge me to love my husband and children better, be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, kind, subject to my husband and for me not to malign the word of God, which sadly I do at times telling my boys to obey me when I do not obey my father God. 

 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.  Titus 2:3-5

In my mommy circles we are all in the same boat critical, desperate,  and need to breathe.

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